WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
