do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
