Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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