i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
