I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
