I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
