It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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