I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
