i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
