Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
