Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
