Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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