How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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