Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
