i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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