Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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