dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize