garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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