Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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