The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
