cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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