no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
