Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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