My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
