and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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