Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
