We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i will never coherently bang her
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry about my life...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
