Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
