He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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