My Higher Power is John Stamos
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
