He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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