So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
