I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
