Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
