I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
