thus making me awesome and them whores
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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