what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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