Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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