There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I FOUND THE LEGS
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
