don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
