I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
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everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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