i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
