Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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