He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
