Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
