I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
