All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
