They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
