I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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