Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
