I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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