ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
