apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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