Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
