but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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