he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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