And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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