break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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