On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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