3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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