I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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