meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
