he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
