Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
