So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
