this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
