haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
