You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
