soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
