mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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